I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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