in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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