508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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