my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
