APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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