she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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