in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
