I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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