Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
