hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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