I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
