I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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