i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
