Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize