i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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