Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cut my penus on the lid.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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