we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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