Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
