our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
