I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
