There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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