marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The power of my boobs compel you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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