So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
