After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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