There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
