are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
