What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
