I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
