So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
