I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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