We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
