Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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