Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
this hospital has no fireball
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
