Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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