It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
