She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
