So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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