i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
