We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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