you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
