he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
