it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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