have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
