do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
