YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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