I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
