Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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