If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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