I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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