well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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