I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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