My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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