and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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