After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are two peas in an std pod
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
