Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
