Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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