they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
