i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
