So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
