He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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