the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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