I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize