Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
