She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize