saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
