His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
