just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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