dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
