What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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