so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come share oat with me in your robe
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
