Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
