FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
