i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
