you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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