I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
