dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
