its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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