I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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