the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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