there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
