Pappa wants mamma naked
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
