So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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