I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
