Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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