I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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