So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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