I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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