super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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