She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
