I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
