That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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