How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
