Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
