If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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