Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont even know how to be here
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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