I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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