I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
