New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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