The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
