Apparently you make a good broom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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