1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
