dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
