The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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