so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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