The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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