So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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