She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize