his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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