explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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