i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you never un-have a 4some
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
