Buhtt sex?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
