you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize