So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
