Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
