It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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