Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
