So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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