I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
me + whiskey = a bad person
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
