Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize