no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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