How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize