Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The power of my boobs compel you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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